Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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