i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
