I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
