how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
