blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it glows. i had to have it.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
