so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
