you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
