some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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