My balls are so social today.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize