I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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