You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
