We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
