Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
