am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
me + whiskey = a bad person
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
