He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
