# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my phone needs a breathalizer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
