Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Jerry, you need to find god
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
