I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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