I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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