I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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