If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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