Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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