he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
