i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
