just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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