Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize