i jhust puked up my retainher.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
