Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize