guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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