I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
