Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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