I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
