I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
