Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
