they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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