my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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