Barsexuality is the new black.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize