At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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