ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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