yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
