Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
