Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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