well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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