God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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