My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
