Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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