there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
