I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
