Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...