you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"