Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.