Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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