but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
