walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
