ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
