is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
