JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
