And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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