Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
we're making bets on your personal life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
