it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
