Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
