Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
